That is my Face.

Night Swimming.

I just finished my essay on Evelina.

It was meant to be about how the author used social satire and to what effect, but it just turned into an essay about the treatment of women. Like every other essay I've ever done. This really isn't my fault, it just seemed like women were treated like crap for a while and it is good essay fodder.

Only two more essays and one exam to go before the end of my degree.

It pisses me off that I can't graduate with my friends. Because I do Drama and English I have to graduate with the Drama students, who for the most part are obnoxiously loud and annoying and fighting for every piece of attention.

I won't get to have a picture in my cap and gown with all my buddies :( moan moan moan.



People in Libya don't know what hell is.

Huzzuh!

Ayyyy Macarena!

Yesterday I failed my third driving test. I only got 6 minors and 1 serious, for hesitating on a roundabout. Gloomy, gloomy times.
I have decided not to tell anyone when my next test is, as having to text all friends and family to let them know I've failed for a fourth time is not something I feel like doing. Again.

The interview with the little boy that is in Madame Butterfly is coming up. It will be odd interviewing a 6 year old, I hope his mother intervenes so that I am saved from talking about bugs and spaghetti. Because that is what 6 year olds talk about...isn't it?

Tonight we're all going out and I can't wait because I havn't been out in God knows how long and I need to dance. I have requested the Macarena from the DJ, everyone has moaned but I know for a fact that if they actually played it, people would dance. Oh yes, they would dance.

I Get Tounge-Tied.

"We used to say "This Modern Love" was our song because it said Do you want to come over and kill some time. But now I kill time when you're not around."

I Carried A Watermelon!?

Tonight I am going to see Dirty Dancing at the Aldwych Theatre. It is my most favourite and I am awfully sad that it is finishing in July, I'm glad I get to see it one more time, especially with my good friend Ms Davies.

Oh Patrick, how we miss you.

STY UPDATE

Fortunately my sty has seemed to have gone down and I can now blink pain-free. I know many of you were concerned, especially my Aunt Sally, but you may now all rest easy in knowing my sty has gone and I can again put on eyeliner.

As the sty grows...

Success!
Editor of SENine magazine has asked me to write another article. Either he is desperate for writers (probable) or he thinks I'm alright.
This one is actually, in my opinion, a little more interesting, though many may disagree. A little boy, age 6, from where I live, is performing at the Royal Albert Hall in Madame Butterfly and I'm interviewing him. I think that is cute. Also if I was in Madame Butterfly at the age of 6 I'd want everyone to know about it too.

STY UPDATE

The sty has got bigger. It is now starting to look like I have been punched in the face by a small, yet powerful, animal.

New Dog for Nacogdoches

Breaking News!

Golden Labrador Max, (officially Max McDonald), from Gilmer, Texas has found a new home with Katie Hayes and her live-in man candy Preston McDonald in Nacogdoches. He is said to already be the perfect man's best friend, and Mr Mcdonald commented on the social networking site facebook "Max is the best puppy ever. He only woke us up twice last night and he waited until this morning to pee outside. We havn't even had him 24 hours and he is already housebroken".

Ms Hayes, co-owner of Max, soberly stated that "Max-a-million loves me a trillion!" Mr McDonald was not available to comment on whether this is true.

We have also just discovered that Max was found at the side of the road. When one of our reporters asked Ms Hayes if this was true, she replied "YES!"

Many of Ms Hayes' closest friends and family members have stated her complete ridiculousness at having a dog, as she can barely look after herself. Her cousin Ms Sarah Hayes, a beautiful and talented lady of London, told us "I can't bloody believe she has done this. She will try and feed Max pasta and probably dress him up like her baby. I cannot wait to see how this turns out".

Max seems to be happy right now, but after only 48 hours of living with the McDonalds, could there be oncoming tensions? We will keep you posted.

Back to you at the NEWS ROOM!

A Feature for InQuire, the University Newsapaper

Album That Changed My Life: Good Mourning by Alkaline Trio

When I was 14, Blink 182 had just brought out their last album, My Chemical Romance were everywhere, and an army of what I can only describe as ridiculous fringes were being created. MySpace ruled, Facebook was on the brink of creation, and I must admit, my fringe did take part in the ridiculousness. But it wasn’t until one random day when someone gave me a copy of Good Mourning to listen to, Alkaline Trio’s fourth release, that I truly fell in love. When I put the album in my Walkman (Yes, a walkman, it really was this long ago) and the first song, aptly named “This Could be Love”, raged through my brain, I knew that love was exactly what it was.

Good Mourning, produced by the late, great Jerry Finn, manages to strike the perfect balance between the fast-paced pop-punk of the 90’s and the darker sound of bands like Joy Division and The Cure. The raw emotion and energy that is on the record is believable and relatable, unlike many other recent would-be punk bands whose attempts at putting real emotion into music falls at the first hurdle.

The album contains songs about love, heart break, drug abuse, joining the Church of Satan for kicks, and even the Donner Party. Yet whatever the theme of the song all of them are beautifully and cleverly written. The album starts with “This Could Be Love”, a song dripping in resentment and bitterness while at the same time having one of the catchiest chorus’s that Matt Skiba ever wrote, as can be seen at their gigs when their fiercely loyal fans scream “This could be love. Love for fire”. It is followed by Dan Andriano’s songs like “One Hundred Stories” and “Every Thug Needs a Lady”, the latter being one of my particular favourites, his husky voice singing lyrics that, yes do proclaim love, but with real vulnerability;“From here I can hardly see a thing, But I will follow anyone who brings me to you”. Andriano’s smart yet love-fuelled lyrics contrasted with Skiba’s angrier songs makes an unusual album for the genre. One of my favourite Skiba songs is “Blue in the Face”; the acoustic ending to the album that is about his drug abuse; “Just one more line to keep me sleeping loudly and cold in disgrace with a shameful regret, as I talk in tongues to myself on my bed”. Though Skiba’s voice is broken from the abuse of the drug he is singing about, it is with real emotion that his voice cracks when he says “So what do you say, your coffin or mine?”

I feel I cannot do this album justice, it is something that must appreciated on its own. Alkaline Trio could have easily gone down the route so many bands who claim to make punk music have, that of image over music. Some may even claim that in the last few years that is what they have done. But Good Mourning is the band in their prime. The lyrics may be littered with clichéd alcohol and drug fuelled metaphors but they manage to make them ironic and witty. The melodies are still grounded in their pop-punk roots but there is also something more mature and darker to the songs. The voices of Dan and Matt, though completely different, complement each other wonderfully, and Derek Grant’s drums are the backbone to the whole album. This is Alkaline Trio in their prime and the legions of fans who tattoo their symbol on to their skin for love of this band I know would agree with me.

An Article for SENine Magazine

Eltham Lollypop Man Retires After Thirteen Years

John Wood, the Lollypop man of Roper Road and Orangery Lane, is finally laying his lollypop down. For 13 years John has done the Lollypop for Eltham CofE School, and it seems has been popular with everybody, from a “ten month old baby that waves” to him, to the parents and the children he has crossed the road with. He even used to bring real lollypops in for the children. “When I first started I’d bump into people everywhere! I can’t go down Eltham High street without seeing someone! My wife kept asking how everyone knew me” laughs John, “A family even spotted me in the Costa Brava”.

Born in Brockley, John has lived all over South East London; Catford, Blackheath and even Ashford in Kent during the war, but he now resides in Eltham, just a ten minute walk away from his Lollypop road. It was in 1997 that John saw an advertisement in Greenwich for a Lollypop Man, he applied and had the medical but didn’t hear anything, “I’m not the kind to chase them up if they aren’t getting back to me!” Therefore it wasn’t until a year later when he saw another advertisement in Eltham that he got the job. “I’m there every weekday, half 8 to half 9 and quarter past 3 to quarter past 4, I’ve seen whole families grow up, sometimes they come back a few years later and they are right up here!” he chuckles and gestures way above his own head. At 78, John does not seem to be slowing down, still driving himself and his wife around and enjoying the odd holiday, as well as seeing their grandchildren when they can.

It definitely seems that John has earned his retirement, working at the Post Office and then doing the Lollypop whilst simultaneously working at Ruxley Manor on the door at weekends, “I’m John at the Gate” he says. He obviously enjoys the work so when asked why John has decided to retire it is clear that his want to see more of his family is the main motivation; “I want to see more of the grandkids, and maybe have a few more cheaper holidays!” Indeed there are pictures of children and grandchildren dotted around the living room, and it is clear that John’s large family are what is most important to him and his wife. “It’s time to give up” she says, and after 60 years of working who could argue with her.

Though John’s grandchildren will now happily get to see more of him, I don’t doubt that the families of Eltham CofE will miss him walking them across the street every day. Though it is assured that he is retiring, with 6 children and 6 grandchildren, whether he will get a rest or not is not so certain.

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

I apologise for my absence over the last week. Between going home to interview elderly men and my own degree, I have been rather busy. However, today I finished two articles and I thought it appropiate to put them here for you perusal. Before that though, I will update you on my life.

I think I have a sty on my right eye.

Okay you are updated.

Oh also my Elephant article came out on the Uni Newspaper, it was pretty cool to see it in print. Also on the front page it said "Inside this issue:" and then a picture of my Elephant, so it is KIND OF like I'm on the front page. I'm on the front page. Kind of.

I will also be in the next issue of the paper with my Album article and in the next two issues of SENine, first with Ben the Bike Guy for March and the Lollypop Man for April. Such hard hitting news. I'm hoping the editor will give me another for the April issue too, he did say he might. I guess it depends how my next article goes, if he loves it, and who wouldn't it's about a Lollypop Man, then I'm IN THERE.

Also only 4 more weeks until my London Press Interview.
Shitting one's self.

ALSO next driving test is on Wednesday the 23rd, one week from tomorrow. If they let me drive in my socks I know I'd pass. Wish me luck readers, all...one of you.

That was a longer update then I had anticipated, I must really have some sort of life going on here eh. Oh and Happy Belated Valentines Day, from me, to you:

I Don't Know...

...How more people don't have mental health problems. Thinking is one of the most stressful things I've ever come across, and not being able to articulate what I want to say drives me crazy.

Stupid Barrie.

Just as I tick a few things of my To Do List about another 10 million are added to it.
My dad tells me that the fact that I am busy and my brain is slowly failing underneath all the stress of third year and preperations for next year is a good thing, as it means I am living my life.
He is a little bit of a workaholic so I don't know whether this is a good thing or not.

Hi Dad.

I failed my second driving test today which meant that I started to cry in front of an old man named Barrie who decided to fail me because I got too close to a parked car. Crying in front of an old man called Barrie who just failed me was definitely not a highlight of my life. I don't usually cry either, I was just very angry. I really wanted it ticked off my To Do list :(. Which now runs my life.

In other more positive news I then went to the newspaper meeting and, though I told myself I wouldn't get an article because I have the other one to do PLUS an English essay PLUS an English presentation PLUS I have to read Evelina PLUS I have to write a play by THURSDAY, I thought it was probably not the best idea.
But lo and behold I couldn't resist one little fun feature on The Album That Changed My Life (Capital Letters represent important life changing event). I am of course doing it on Good Mourning by Alkaline Trio, because it truly did actually change my life. That has to be done by next Thursday.

I'm going home this weekend to do the Lollipop man article, he sounds very wise but I had to scream down the phone because he is apparently quite deaf. I could go home for just one day but I think the whole weekend is a better idea because then I get to go to yummy restaurants.

Anyway, it's been a bit of a crap day, and now I have to write this stupid presentation, and then get up tomorrow super early (9am) to do the stupid presentation. Stupid. You can tell I'm in a bad mood.

I hate Barrie.

Huzzuh!

I sent off the SENine article earlier today and the editor messaged me back just now asking me to do another article for him.
I think this is a small success as it means that what I wrote wasn't a. terrible or b. unsuitable or c. unreadable. Success!
He asked for a small picture of me as a by-line picture for the articles.



I thought this would be suitable:

No?

The new article is about a Lollypop man in Eltham who is retiring.
Shutup. Leave me alone. It is an important and career defining story. I'm excited anyway. He is 78, I bet he has such wise words to give me, like "always look both ways".

An Article for SENine Magazine

Healer on Wheels

When in the West End you may spot Ben Forde, one of the members of the Cycle Response Unit (CRU) for the London Ambulance Service; paramedics that get to their patient’s by bicycle. Ben lives in Blackfen but resided in Eltham for over 20 years, and has just recently become a permanent member of the CRU.

He attended St Thomas More School but it wasn’t there he decided to become a paramedic, “I saw an advert on the television asking people to join the London Ambulance Service, and I just thought it looked like a really good job” commented Ben. It was another 8 years before Ben entered the CRU, “I was at the Ambulance Service in Waterloo, a colleague and I poked our head through the door of the CRU, and it looked like a lot of fun, luckily they were recruiting at the time so I went for it”. And indeed it seems a job that is entirely suited for him; Ben has always cycled and has even taken part in charity rides from London to Brighton, “It is a really good way for me to incorporate a hobby I’m passionate about into my job too”. The CRU members could be on the bike for up to eleven hours a day and Ben has even ridden from his home in Blackfen to the Waterloo station.

The CRU is able to respond to 999 calls quicker than an ambulance by weaving through the traffic, answering calls that can range from headaches to even cardiac arrest. “You’ll answer the call and someone will say ‘oh...are you the ambulance?’” laughs Ben, “they don’t usually expect a bike to pull up”. Sometimes members of the CRU are able to tell ambulances they aren’t needed, saving them over 250 hours of time a year per bike; “As well as it being more economical and time saving, it’s a greener way of us getting around too”.

When asked what his favourite aspects of the job are, it is clear Ben is passionate about his work; “I think it’s the fact that you get to attend calls in so many different places; theatres, restaurants, Trafalgar Square and Covent Garden. We’re needed for events too like the Chinese New Year and recently the Pope’s visit. You get to meet so many different kinds of people, and I think that’s why it’s such an enjoyable job”. Now that Ben is a permanent member of the CRU, you may always see him around some of your favourite parts of London- though let’s hope he isn’t answering your call.

I am Stupid. Stupid is my name.

I just conducted my first interview with Ben the Bike guy.

It was pretty good in that he was really friendly and answered my questions in detail and put me at ease.

It was not so good in that I probably asked him the same question 3 times, and after trying to record it on my phone, saw at the end of the interview that nothing had recorded, so had to go on my own flaky memory and random notes.

Thankfully, I have just written down all my notes properly and actually have more words then needed for the article in note form.
The one thing I'm really worried about is the editor from the magazine wanted some type of hook to make it "newsy", but alas I could not find one. I am grasping at straws here but I may go on the fact he has only recently become a permenent member of this bike team he is a part of.

I sound ridiculous don't I.

C'est la vie.

I am going to write the article later, if I forget anything I will just have to give him a text and completely lose all dignity.

I hope that everyone who starts out is as useless as I am or I'm in a spot of trouble.

An Article for InQuire, the University Newspaper.

Baby Elephant Arrives in Kent

A new arrival has been welcomed to Howletts Wild Animal Park. On the 25th of January after a 22 month pregnancy, an African Elephant named Masa finally gave birth to a calf. Though Masa had twins, one unfortunately did not survive. Twin African Elephants are extremely rare and are estimated to occur in less than 2% of cases. Due to the sheer size of an elephant calf a Mother cannot healthily support twins; therefore it was a potentially fatal delivery. Consequently the birth is being hailed as a great success due to the survival of Masa and her new calf. Neil Spooner, Animal Director of Howletts, said that they were “blessed” and commented that “at a few days old the calf is doing really well and will be going into its outside enclosure where the public can see him as soon as the weather improves”. The calf is yet to be named but will be joining his 5 year old sister as well as becoming a member of the largest herd of African Elephants in the UK. If you would like to find out more about Howletts or would be interested in adopting Masa for as little as £3 a month, go to http://www.aspinallfoundation.org/.

Bon Bons!

I managed to rearrange my busy schedule so that I could do the interview for the SENine article.
It's irritating because I need to go back to London to do it but be in Canterbury for my seminars so I'm paying 20 quid to get back, do the interview, and return, but one must make sacrifices for ones future career. I just hope the editor puts it in the March edition and not the April edition so I can put it in my portfolio for the interview.

I have compiled a list of questions to ask Ben Forde. He is a nurse that gets around by bike to get to his patients so it'll be questions like what made you want to become a nurse, ever had any close calls i.e cars+bike=accident...though I will probably not word it that way, as that would be unwise. It'll be the first interview I have ever done so I am a little nervous but I'm sure I'll be fine, he seems like a nice guy anyway. I just hope I don't make a mockery of myself or reveal to him that I'm actually a fraud.

I also went to the newspaper meeting on Monday. I wasn't sure whether I should try and get an article this week as I have this other one to do and I am really busy at Uni but there was a little story I thought that was cute so volunteered to write it. The deadline is Friday but t's already written so I'll post it here soon.

In the meantime, I am going to see Black Swan tonight. I will even allow myself pick'n'mix. MAN I'M EXCITED. BON BONS!

I also got to the 8 pound off mark at Slimming World yesterday so I got a sticker. I don't know anyone who is motivated by stickers. I wish they could motivate us with chocolate. Anyway after my weigh-in I treated myself to a Kobe Beef burger that defeated me and since then I have been lying on my back moaning. I'm being punished for my gluttony.