So it has come to my attention recently that a Californian octogenarian named Harold Camping has claimed to have predicted when the world will end, or specifically, the date of The Rapture. That date is today. At 6pm to be precise.
The Rapture is when certain Christians believe the Almighty Jesus will come down, suck up to Heaven everyone who has devoted their lives to worshipping the shit out of Him, and torture everyone else until eventually He gets bored around the end of October and destroys his most successful Science project. Unless you are a "true believer" there is no escape, whether you are good, bad or ugly. And haven't the ugly already suffered enough?
I don't believe in Jesus. I know a man named Jesus existed around 2000 years ago but I don't believe he rose from the dead, turned water into wine (handy little trick) and cured a load of lepers just by winking at them. But after 9 years of Catholic School education, I like to think I know a thing or two about God, Moses, Jesus, and the whole gang.
I am pretty sure at no point God is ever to have said "I will smite every person that doesn't believe in me, even if you have cured Aids or donated a large sum of money to Comic Relief. It doesn't matter, you're toast".
However, I do remember something along the lines of "Love thy neighbour as thyself". Doesn't sound to me like someone who would say that would go around smiting innocent people. Also doesn't sound like he would feel too good about smiting someone who did love their neighbour (not in an Afternoon Delight sort of way, they would definitely get a good hard smiting) regardless of their belief in Him. I think a few Christians like to leave that part out though, so they have an excuse to persecute homosexual's because they're ignorantly scared of getting bummed. Which is impossible because their head is already stuck up that general area.
Yet once again, I digress.
What I was going to say was, the Rapture was today. Or it was meant to be. And yet I am still here, sitting in my dining room, pretending I don't have exam revision to do. There have been no major earthquakes that I am aware of. All the dead seem still to be in their graves, and I'd be one of the first to know if they were strolling about, there's a cemetery only down the road. I haven't even seen a horseman. Not so much as a tiny pony. So, as I live in London, and I am willing to believe that London is one of the first places God would enjoy smiting, and no smiting has taken place, I have no choice but to come to the conclusion that all Harold Camping has been doing is "bearing false witness".
And in doing so has pissed many people off. Here are a few choice picks:
The (stupid) people he persuaded to donate money to the promotion of The Rapture. The well-meaning, intelligent Christians and Religious Leaders who aren't insane. Atheists. Jews. Just about everyone that isn't MENTAL. And unfortunately for him, he has to live through May 22nd and beyond, and be mocked for eternity (no pun intended).
So Mr Harold Camping, I only have one thing to say to you:
BURN!
(in hell)
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