Today was Monday, so don't expect me to be my usual happy go lucky self. I was already pissed off by 7am when on the train to Charing Cross. I unfortunately found myself sitting next to a sickening couple, the woman of whom was about to drop a baby out of her nurturing uterus. I had to sit there for 20 minutes watching the guy talk to his girlfriends fucking stomach. Also, what is the point in talking to the foetus in utero if you arn't going to even form coherent words?
"Ohhhh we're going to lubby wubby you sooo muchy wuchy arn't we! Yes we are!". I don't even talk to my dog like that. In fact me and my dog have had some pretty deep conversations compared to that.
I feel sorry for that child. I felt sorry for myself. I almost threw up my undigested Marks and Spencers sushi (the best kind, much better then Tesco's own.). That child will most probably be smothered and cry when the bike it gets for christmas isn't the EXACT RIGHT ONE, then get to the age of twelve and hate their parents for a good 5 years and not understand why. But I understand why. It is because your ridiculous father taught you bad vocabulary in the womb, that's why.
To make it even more nauseating the woman had a badge on the lapel of her jacket (and as she was about to become a mum, it was of course, I'm pretty sure, from Marks and Spencers, much like my sushi). This is the badge she had on her jacket, jauntily pinned in a smug sort of way.
For fuck sake. If the point of this badge was to make sure people didn't knock her while on the train and risk harming little baby Chad or Chelsea or Chlamydia or whatever shit name is number one in the list of baby names this year (and I can't say anything, my name is Sarah), then she might want to take it off, because for me it had the opposite effect. All it made me want to do was kick her in the gash.
You are probably thinking, "Sarah, why are you so irritated by a couple so obviously surrounded by marital bliss, and a 'Baby on Board' badge? Can't you be happy for them? Can't you see that they are just content in eachother, and that maybe one day you'll want all those things too?".
Erm, no. And if I somehow did get knocked up and found myself with a "Baby on Board" badge pinned to my Marks and Spencers cardi, please, could someone take it off me and stick it in my eyes. Thanks.
Other things of course annoyed me today, but then I had some munch calamari and it made everything better. More later perhaps.
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